Internet Dating

Now that i have started “this”… made a mark on the blank page (or website, if you want to be particular).

“This” is currently hard for me to define… It is an exploration inwards and outward.  It is an adventure. A journey.

I know with time and exploration, I’ll be able to define it. Refine it.  Find the constants in the change.  I never think it will be static, it will change as I do.  It will continually change. An evolution, maybe Darwinian in nature. Or maybe, more like a relationship that deepens and changes over time but is built on a solid foundation, shared vision and is filled with love.

Right now, it feels like internet dating!

The nervousness and vulnerability that comes with putting yourself out there, mixed with the excitement and potential of a perfect match.  I am trying things out.  Seeing how they feel, seeing how they are received, seeing who they attract?  People will be trying me out, feeling my words and feelings for a resonation.  A connection.

The excitement in the flurry of dates and interest in who i am and do we click?  We could have ainternet dating great conversation and a good time.  Despite how great a first date can be, you cannot know a person from that one meeting.  Just like you cannot know me from one post…

When you get home from the date and the excitement wears off, doubts creep in…

Do you see where this goes? Or nip in in the bud?  Or over time you see that despite an initial attraction, the differences are too great, the chemistry fades, or it just doesn’t feel right?

You can’t force it… But you can keep an open heart and open mind… and try again tomorrow (or read another post :) )

Like the blank page, I cannot promise greatness.  I cannot promise you will always like what you read… But i do promise to try, with honesty and vulnerability and open heart and mind.  To share my thoughts and experiences, so you can get to know me.   Even one date, (or one post, read)… I will be happy with that because if nothing else it will have been a hour of my life well spent.  Opening my self and connecting with others.

Can I buy you a virtual coffee sometime?

Disclaimer – I am happily married and not looking for dates… my husband reads this too.

Photo Credit - Laura Arrowsmith-Hudson 2014

 

Blank Page

Blank Page

Photo Credit - Laura Arrowsmith-Hudson 2014

Dear Blank Page,

You are unblemished by word or thought.

So full of potential and creative promise…

Blank Page, how can you ask so many questions?

Once I commit…. once I make my first mark, I must continue…. I cannot let a small mark be the only vandalism of your clean, smooth space.  But can that small mark become something great?  Something worthy of your sacrifice, as you will be defaced and changed forever?  You make me feel uncomfortable, as i know i must open myself up, be vulnerable for the words to come pouring out…

I cannot promise greatness will fill your page.  I can only guarantee that you are extremely important and what you are giving up, will not be in vain.

It will be so many things….

Therapy – giving me a place to lay out my thoughts and clear my mind.

Opportunity – giving me countless chances to see what i can create.

Connection – a way to communicate my thoughts and share my mind cycles.

Memory Keeping – you will hold my memories clear, in black and white even when my mind tries to muddle them. 

Record – you will document my journey, for others who may want to follow or just for me to map the distance i have come.

Accountability – on your page, i will be accountable for ensuring your sacrifice amounts to something, as my words and thoughts will be indelibly etched.

Honesty – you will show it as it is, and as it was at that moment in time.

Blank Page, I hope to make you proud to hold my words, thoughts, ideas and dreams.  Thank you in advance for your contribution.  I am looking forward to where our shared endeavour leads us.

Always,

Laura